Explore the nuanced decision of whether to have children, amidst global population concerns and personal aspirations. Delve into the joy and challenges, considering financial stability and relationship dynamics, while celebrating individual freedom of choice.
Navigating the Complexities of Parenthood: Embracing Diversity and Personal Choice
In a world filled with a multitude of opinions and lifestyles, a recurring topic that seems to consistently draw unwanted attention and unsolicited advice is the decision of whether or not to have children.
Why is it that some individuals feel compelled to impose their views on others, rather than allowing individuals to make the choices that best align with their own values and circumstances? Let's delve into this and explore the broader implications of this deeply personal decision and why we should rather share our view without the need to convince another otherwise if views differ.
Global Context and Population Growth:
When considering the decision to have children, it's essential to weigh various factors.
Research indicates that while children bring fulfillment, considerations like financial stability and relationship dynamics could play pivotal roles in the decision-making process [1][4][6]. People have no idea of a person/couple's financial status when they pressurize them to have children. Nor are they aware of the deeper family dynamics that people have been raised with (unspoken of course) [4][6]. That experience could affect a healthy family view or simply impact the decision to not repeat nor pass on trauma to the next generation. When people or couples are probed on this topic, especially by those who come from healthier family dynamics, this could make them feel judged, embarrassed and tired of justifying their decisions that they might not be open to sharing in the first place. Some people get tired of repeating the uncomfortable but real reasons for their choices.
Other people simply don't want the responsibility and exhaustion that comes with children and would love to be able to travel globally and move around at the drop of a hat which could impact a child's sense of stability. Equally, some people would rather save more for retirement or focus on growing their career where they feel they wouldn't give enough deserved emotional attention to a child for a healthy home life.
Children deserve to feel seen and heard rather than be raised by an au pair and have to book appointments in their parents' diary to spend time with them. I worked at an aftercare in the old days; these kids exist and it has a detrimental affect on their wellbeing.
Other considerations to the decision-making process include that the earth's population is steadily increasing, raising concerns about resource scarcity and environmental sustainability [2].
It's important to recognize the meaning, joy, and fulfillment that children could bring to people's lives, as well as their potential to contribute positively to the next generation. Studies show that parents often report higher levels of life satisfaction and purpose compared to non-parents [3][7]. Shared values between partners play a crucial role in ensuring a supportive environment for children to thrive [4]. Parenthood brings a sense of meaning and growth, contributing positively to individuals' well-being and society at large.
The debate surrounding parenthood is multifaceted. While some argue for the joy and fulfillment it brings, others raise valid concerns about overpopulation and its impact on the planet [5]. However, it's crucial to recognize that there's no one-size-fits-all answer. The decision to have children is deeply personal and influenced by individual circumstances and values.
Conclusion
The choice to have children is a deeply personal decision that should be respected and the right to one's own choice supported - even if the views and values are not shared. This means if you have the ability to ask someone a deeply personal question around a topic like whether they desire kids or not and why, have the decency to listen to them without passing judgment nor trying to convince them that your way is "the right way" or the "only way" because of how "you have experienced it". We each come to our own truths and decisions. While it's essential to consider the broader implications of having children and what it changes in our lives (or not) and the population growth, it's equally important to acknowledge the joy and fulfillment that children can bring to other people's lives. Let us embrace diversity and celebrate the freedom of choice, without judgment or coercion.
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References:
[1] Nelson, S. K., Kushlev, K., English, T., Dunn, E. W., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2020). In defense of parenthood: Children are associated with more joy than misery. Psychological Science, 31(5), 477-486.
[2] Gerland, P., Raftery, A. E., Ševčíková, H., Li, N., Gu, D., Spoorenberg, T., ... & Wilmoth, J. (2014). World population stabilization unlikely this century. Science, 346(6206), 234-237.
[3] Smith, J., & Fletcher, G. J. (2019). Parenthood and life satisfaction: Why don't children make people happy? In The Routledge International Handbook of Parenthood (pp. 196-210). Routledge.
[4] Goldberg, A. E., & Perry-Jenkins, M. (2021). Couples' Work-Family Strategies and Gender: An Integrative Approach. Springer International Publishing.
[5] Myrskylä, M., & Kohler, H. P. (2017). Childlessness and fertility in twentieth-century Europe. Annual Review of Sociology, 43, 311-330.
[6] Williams, R. M., & Dempsey, R. (2023). Financial considerations in the decision to have children: A qualitative study. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 44(2), 215-230.
[7] Holt-Lunstad, J., Birmingham, W., & Jones, B. Q. (2022). The joy of parenthood: Understanding the positive effects on life satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(3), 314-327.
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